The problem of lack of personal space exists in many Russian families. Perhaps the habit of always holding each other is inherent in our mentality. But underestimating the role of personal space is a time bomb. Discomfort and fatigue gradually accumulate, and then for no reason at all there is a crack in the relationship. It is easier to prevent such an undesirable outcome than to eliminate its consequences.
The personal space of spouses in a family includes, firstly, personal belongings or objects that one of the half uses constantly. For example, a desktop, computer, telephone, stove or a bucket with a rag. Remember how your spouse is jealous of your fleeting incursions into his mobile phone. This often happens not because he has something to hide, but because he protects his object space. The same with the hostess, stubbornly driving away from the plate a stranger.
Secondly, spouses tend to protect their living space. Let it not a separate room, but at least your own corner. Especially anxious for the lack of his personal space are men. Hence their frequent meetings in the toilet with a book - the desire to somehow retire. Take a small corner to the man - let it be a computer desk or a favorite sofa. And try not to invade there unnecessarily. And a small table at the mirror, where no one will distract her, will not interfere with a woman.
Thirdly, each spouse has the right to their secrets. We are not talking about something immoral, but even the closest people can have small secrets from each other. For example, it is not necessary for the husband to know some of the secrets of your toilet or the details of your old affair with a classmate. Negotiations, according to psychologists, strengthens the marriage.
And fourthly, everyone has the right to personal time - what he can spend at his own discretion (go fishing or philosophize while lying on the couch). If only occasionally, from time to time. It is necessary for a full rest of body and soul.
Be tolerant to your spouse, let him breathe deeply. And your chances of maintaining a strong family for many years will increase dramatically.
What is personal space and why is it important for a person?
The human psyche is designed in such a way that it is necessary to provide for free and unbreakable personal space in everyone’s life. What does this mean?
Everyone needs the opportunity to be alone or to do what they love, not being close to their partner.
Much is required without its second half:
- meet with friends,
- attend exhibitions,
- devote yourself to a hobby
- go to the gym,
- to be creative,
- make shopping.
Often, even the most reverent and warm relationship can not replace the need for personal space.
Often there is the strongest discomfort, when even a close and beloved person surrounds on all sides. This is a violation of personal space in its pure form. It is necessary to create a clear balance between time spent together and the possibility of privacy.
Unfortunately, for many people the behavior is determined by the stereotype, according to which you need to be together always and everywhere. Sometimes partners endure discomfort for a long time, not giving it proper importance and fearing to offend a dear person, but the growing internal discontent leads to a serious conflict. After all, on a subconscious level, each person protests against over-protection, invasion of subtle and delicate spiritual space. This is the most important territory.
Each partner must be clearly aware that personal family space is not a luxury. This is a primary necessity, which allows you not to drift apart, but on the contrary, to avoid conflict and achieve true harmony.
The importance of personal space in relationships
By designating a personal space in a relationship and its boundaries, without allowing them to be broken, you can give each other much more. Dedicated to their time interests will allow:
- restore energy
- every time need his chosen one
- see familiar things with completely different eyes.
That is why you should not sacrifice personal space and step over yourself. Loving people try to find an individuality in their chosen one, and the opportunity to have their own interests and time allows them to save it and not turn into a faceless shell. The ability of partners to spend some time without permanent matrimonial support is an important part of healthy and high-quality relationships.
Love should not become something that limits an interesting and diversified life. It implies respect for both the person and his interests. If the spouse is interested in football or likes to meet with friends, is it worth it to stop him with tantrums and blackmail? After all, ladies no less appreciate the pleasant moments of freedom, spent on conversations with friends in a cafe, nail salon or the time devoted to reading books, shopping, embroidery.
How to provide personal space to a partner without harming relationships
Often women, falling in love, try to completely dissolve in a partner. It is important to remember that the personal space of a man is as important a territory as that of a woman. Over time, when relations reach a qualitatively new level, they become stable, the ladies also try to win back the right to take care of themselves, to devote several hours to personal interests. How to do this to keep the union strong?
Psychologists advise building relationships on trust. The union will be strong if the partners are honest with each other.
You can become a happy owner of your personal space and not endanger your relationship if you refuse from:
- secret reading of e-mail correspondence,
- checking phone calls, social networks and SMS,
- excessive custody.
Dreaming about strong and harmonious relations, it is important not to forget about the possibility of giving each other the right to realize their own desires and interests.. Restrictions, frames and tight control ruin the gentle admiration of the chosen one, which is the most valuable feeling in the tandem of the beloved. You can save it, just without violating the individual space.
Little things - the foundation of our life, in their family life, too, abound.
The interests and desires of two people often do not coincide, and this is normal! He wants to watch football, and she is a favorite movie, she wants to listen to music, and he wants to read a book. Even a moment like biological rhythms can be a stumbling block. He is a lark, she is a night owl. The day off, after a week of work, he, despite this, got up early, he is a “lark”, and she wants to sleep a little longer.
Let's look into the past: people marry at about 25 years, somewhere with 18 people, in general, live as he wants. He most likely has his own room, his own TV, and in general, everything that he has belongs to him alone. He goes to bed and gets up when he wants, looks what he wants, goes to friends (girlfriends) when he wants, etc. And so, another person appears in his life. Completely different! At least because of their sex. And what happens? There is a collision of elements, so to speak, which in the end is quite capable of destroying a family.
What to do? Here's what:
From the very beginning of life together, you need to remember that your partner is a full-fledged, accomplished person. In the modern world, the union of two people is not a vital necessity for either one or the other, and the Soviet domostroy has long been obsolete. A man and a woman are together only by mutual desire, that's all. Therefore, the number of divorces has become more, if people stop wanting to be together, they diverge.
Therefore, it is extremely important to leave your partner’s personal space, not to encroach on his life, if you want harmony and mutual respect in your family. If there is an opportunity, it is very good to arrange a room in the apartment, or one room in which no one lives, but each spouse can, if desired, use it. Reading, watching TV, talking on the phone, and sometimes you just want to get enough sleep without a company. You can, in the end, buy two or even three televisions in each room and kitchen, good, on the website http://www.notus.com.ua/Televizory there is always a large selection and affordable prices.
Trust is the basis of relationships! In no case should you check each other’s phones, go into your pockets, look through your email and stuff like that. It humiliates a person, causes a feeling of being suspected, does not believe him, as a result, an insult arises.
Rest outside the home separately is also required. One amendment to the above: there must be a measure in everything. The presence of personal space should not lead to the fact that the husband and wife constantly spend time not together. Allocate your time so that your other half does not feel abandoned. Love each other. Trust and respect each other. And then you will live together happily ever after!