Your child. Who is he?
You remember exactly how he appeared. To the smallest grams and centimeters of its weight and height. You remember how many months he rolled over, sat down, got up, went, said the first “give” and “dad”. You remember how he first fell ill, how scared you were that it was fatal, while he was crying from the temperature (or surprisingly jumped like nothing had happened to a temperature of 39.4). You remember the first time you broke up with him. For an hour. For the day. On weekend. On vacation. And how they blamed that you are a bad mother, and he suffers without you.
It seems to you that you know everything about him. Better than anyone else. And, of course, better than himself. And in many ways it is true. But something in this omniscience prevents the child from being himself. He changes every moment. It grows with great speed. Only you are accustomed to the fact that he loves, say, buckwheat, as he immediately falls out of love with her, and then you have to think again about how useful it is to feed him. Only you have adjusted to his sleep mode from 8:00 pm to 7:00 am, as he has already decided somewhere inside himself that you can fall asleep later, and get up even earlier. And ask to drink a couple of times during the night. And in this race for the speed of the child, you get so tired that you want to decide once and for all: this is it, and this is it. Here the child is good, but here he is bad. And if you do it so that it is good, you organize space and time, environment and feeding with work and care, then the child has no right to feel bad.
He has no right to be sad when you leave. You did take care that he did not miss in your absence, you invited your beloved grandmother and the best nanny in the world.
Has no right to eat when he does not like the food. Yes, he does not even have the right to have his taste in food. And he has no right to close his mouth, to turn away, if he ate before the precious food ended on his plate. After all, you have been shopping and selling markets for so long and tiringly to buy the most real, real chicken for soup. Or for so long they were preparing this spinach pie, so useful, but he does not want to! But even worse, when he does not want anything of what you offer. Will die of hunger! And here the child has no right to die of starvation: the parent’s hand opens his jaws, stuffing a spoon into his mouth. Or quickly, quickly, until such a bright advertisement on TV has ended, it puts food into the open mouth. Or another option: the child plays in the room, he is passionate, and from time to time you run up to him and bustle in your mouth a huge spoon with food. And then you wait with a new portion in a spoon, secretly peeping into the room.
And the child has no right to hurt. You do need to go to work, you have mortgage loans, a career, plans for the weekend, a family vacation, after all! And here it is! A runny nose appeared, and God forbid, also a fever. Week at home with your child! Catastrophe!
And the child has no right to sign up, forget, not reach. You after all, “according to the correct book”, took off his diaper, bought beautiful panties, tights. You've been waiting for so long!
The child is not entitled to bruise. Or get snow in the face of a peer. Or not get a toy that is played by another. Or lose a mitten. Or wet the sleeves when washing your hands. Or fall asleep for a long time in a quiet hour. Or get wet in rainy wet weather in rubber pants and boots. Or slowly go to the garden in the morning, because I did not get enough sleep. Or ask you not to take him to the garden. Or cry in the morning in the locker room.
The child has no right to be different. Not the way you want. And not like the others. And at the same time it should be special. How. It should be treated like a work of art, a crystal vase, an expensive brand blouse and something else, because it is yours. And the whole question is to WHAT. Something to play according to your rules in order to maintain the confidence that you are a good parent. Right parent. And when you are the right parent, who thought of everything, prepared, organized, and the child still lives some other life (is ill, does not eat, is naughty, does not fall asleep, does not like kindergarten, etc.), then everything is to blame . And a bit of it myself. All those who are involved in your relationship with your child. All those who, for whatever reasons you can understand, should provide YOUR convenience and YOUR performances.
But the secret is that the child is a living individual being. Living individual organism. Living a separate world. Call it what you want. But keywords remain “alive” and “separate.” He has his own rules and laws inside (and he did not invent them himself, he lives in the way his nature organized). He has his own reactions. He has his own ways of interacting with his desires and with his not desires. Moreover, he has his own desires! He has his own taste and preferences. Wow! And their relationships with peers, grandparents, educators, toys, home, bed, food, buckwheat porridge and many others. And then, depriving him of his rights to his own, you deprive him of his animation. He becomes something. Something that should respond to you and your actions in relation to it in a certain (for you in a certain) way. Happy to let you go when you leave. Always have a good appetite. Come clean after a walk in any weather. Do not drip soup onto your clothes. Bypass colds and viruses (let others get sick!). Fall asleep quickly and easily, just put your head on the pillow. It is not early to wake up at the weekend, but when you already woke up and managed to read the news online. Don't scream when it hurts. And he loses the right to get his own unique experience in cooperation with others, excellent, separate. To be accepted or rejected, heard or unnoticed, helpless or begging and receiving.
And the secret is that the child loves you. And it does not let you go, because it does not endure this feeling of boredom, coming from the heart from the love for you. And he can get sick, because in this way he is experiencing his difficulties, through the body, so as not to tear him apart from the bright thrills. Because the child is very sensitive. And his skin is very tender. And he may not want to go to the kindergarten, because he sees you a little, and he doesn’t have enough of this short evening of attention. And he may love to be alone. Play one. No, he can play with other children, and he likes it. But he gets so tired of people sometimes. And just wants to be at home. Play with your toys, eat from your plate, look at your book, wash the pens with your soap, sit on your mom's lap.
And he has the right to this all. And to love, and miss, and be alone, and be with others, and be with you.
About the book "Your child can do anything. How to develop the child's organizational skills and unleash its potential."
Psychologists Peg Dawson and Richard Guar have been working with children for more than 30 years. They found out that some smart and capable children for successful study and conflict-free communication lack certain organizational skills - for example, the ability to be collected, achieve goals, plan their time or control emotions. In this book, the authors summarize their practical experience and offer step-by-step instructions for identifying and shaping the skills your child lacks.
The book is intended for parents of children from preschool to middle school age, as well as for teachers, psychologists and child development specialists.
In Russian is published for the first time.
You can download the book “Your child can do anything on our website. How to develop a child’s organizational skills and unleash its potential.” Dawson Peg, Guar Richard for free and without registering in fb2, rtf, epub, pdf, txt, read online or buy a book in the online store.
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CARTOONS # Your Child Cartoons
Wonderful educational cartoons for kids!
No boring lessons from funny friends - penguin Ping and crocodile Crocs, which help the child quickly and easily learn the necessary and useful information.
In these series we teach shapes and colors! Join now!
Morning food intake is very important for any person and, especially, for kids. True, mothers very often have a question than how to feed a little picky in the morning. Watch our video clip where we share the secrets of USEFUL AND TASTY BREAKFASTS for a CHILD, and your question will not be left unanswered. Join in
Developing and cute cartoons for those who learn English
CHARMING BLACK KITCHEN FROM COLOR PAPER.
For crafts you will need:
black, pink and white paper
black pen or felt pen
40 BRIGHT QUESTIONS CHILDREN
How often do you talk with children about them? Do you know what your child thinks about adults? What does he want to learn? And when is he especially happy? And what is his favorite holiday? And the most unforgettable day? Show full story ...
Such questions are very useful to understand how a child lives and how.
And also - how it develops, what it learns, what it starts to understand. To do this, you can conduct a survey once a year. And then compare the answers. It's so interesting!
Do you want an unforgettable warm and fun family evening? Ask your child questions.
Here are some questions you can ask children. Add and invent your own.
1. Is it easy to be a child?
2. Is it easy to be an adult?
3. Where do dreams live?
4. And when you are awake, where are they?
5. Why do people read books?
6. What do you want to be when you grow up?
7. If you had a magic wand, what would you do?
8. What should be the best friend?
9. How can you punish children and for what?
10. What would you like to learn?
11. Why do people get sick?
12. How would you like to be spoiled?
13. Would you like to have a brother or sister? Why?
14. What is your favorite game? How to play it?
15. What are you most afraid of?
16. What holiday do you like the most? Why?
17. Why do people get offended? (What could offend you?)
18. What is a bad and good mood?
19. Which cartoon character (fairy tale) do you like the most? Why?
20. Who do you prefer to be friends with boys or girls with? Why?
21. What do you like most?
22. What do you not love?
23. What are you dreaming about?
24. What is the most delicious food in the world?
25. What do you find awesome in the world around?
26. What do you think is a miracle?
27. Is there something that you did not do and now you regret?
28. What do you want to do in the near future?
29. What makes you cry?
30. Where do you feel good?
31. What could your parents do for you to be happier?
32. What was your simple day, not a holiday when you were happy?
33. Where is better - when you go somewhere or at home?
34. When you're all alone, what are you doing?
35. What are you missing?
36. If you could change something in our family, then what?
37. Why are you offended by your parents?
38. Why do you love parents?
39. If you could help some other people, what would you do?
40. How do you see yourself in 10 years?
How to choose a mixture
Maternal milk has always been and will be better than the highest quality and modern mixture. Milk formula.
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Welcome to our site for pregnant women and young mothers.
Your life is filled with new meaning - will you become a mother? Or is your baby already born? Or maybe you're just planning a pregnancy and dreaming about a baby? We will be happy to support you in such an important period of life and give you all the necessary information about pregnancy and preparation for it, about birth, about breastfeeding and about caring for your child.
On the site you will find only unique articles, not copied and not converted on the basis of other resources from the Internet. We constantly update our site, make it more convenient for you and try to give modern information.
The site for pregnant women and young mothers nashy-detky.com.ua will help you to cope with the ailments that occur during pregnancy, will reveal such important aspects of pregnancy as infection prevention, ultrasound, tests, weight, and so on.
We welcome mummies who want to breastfeed babies and therefore the site has a whole section devoted to breastfeeding and taking into account the different situations in which a nursing mother may be: breastfeeding and pregnancy, breastfeeding after caesarean section, cracked nipples, lack of breast milk and etc.
Self-medication can harm you and your baby! Consult a doctor!
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Download the book in the following format:
William Cerz and Martha Cerz
Everything you need to know about your child from birth to two years
Dr. Bill I Martha to my readers
PART I. BEGINNING FROM THE BEGINNING: BASES OF HOME EDUCATION
Chapter 1. The inextricable link: what does this mean?
Raising your child. Five rules of conduct, strengthening communication with the child. The method of inextricable linking involves fathers in raising children. Questions you could ask.
Chapter 2. What you need to do to give birth to be easy and safe.
Childbirth before and now. Good news. Ten knots as a keepsake for those who want to give birth to go well.
Chapter 3. What you need to cook for the child.
How to choose a doctor for your child. Selection of like-minded people and consultants. What to choose: breast or artificial feeding. Whether to remove the foreskin. Under the preparation of all necessary for the child.
Chapter 4. The child was born: what to do from the beginning.
7 skills of high performing families
Dear readers, we sincerely hope that the book "Your Child" by Sears William will not look like any of you have already read in this genre. Through images do not remain without attention, appearing in different places of the text, they harmonize perfectly with the main line. The relevance of the problem, taken as a basis, can be classified as eternal, because as long as there are people their relationship will always be complex and diverse. Surprisingly, the author does not draw any conclusions, he rejoices and grieves, has fun and sad, lights up and cools with his characters. The dialogues of the characters are interesting and informative due to their different views on the world and the difference in characters. In the main idea, so many feelings and plans are so deep that everyone in contact with him becomes a child of this world. The intrigue is so confusing that, despite all the clues, it is incredibly difficult to guess the road that the plot will take. Through the vision of the protagonist, the world around us in the imagination of the reader looms bright, colorful and incredibly beautiful. The work is permeated with subtle humor, and this humor, being one of the forms, contributes to a better understanding and perception of what is happening. It seems incredible, but quite clearly and extremely successfully conveyed by the words elusive, magical, rare and extremely good mood. The end to the surprise was unexpected and left a pleasant feeling in the shower. "Your child" Sears William can be read free online an unlimited number of times, there is philosophy, history, psychology, tragedy, and humor ...
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Followed by his narrowed to get into the magical world? Pretend to be a guy and get lost in the fans? P.
I am grateful to you that you were born to me (mother appeal to her child)
I am grateful to my family for support and faith in me.
It is very important to teach the child three actions - to read, write, count. This was done (and, we must admit, very successfully) by all Soviet pedagogy. This is done by 98% of the thinking parents and educators of the entire post-Soviet space. And I say to them: GOOD FELLOWS! The main thing is not to overdo it. Not only tsiferok and small letters made our boys and girls. They consist of joy and sorrow, sympathy and hatred, pride and envy, trial and error, hope and turmoil. If you help your child understand this, send him on the path of knowing YOURSELF, then you yourself can say to yourself, “Bravo!”
Not so long ago, just over 100 years ago, Leo Tolstoy said: “Education is a compulsory, violent influence of one person on another ... Education is the desire of one person to make another one the same as he himself. (The desire of the poor to take away wealth from the rich, the feeling of envy of the old when looking at fresh and strong youth is the feeling of envy built into principle and theory). ” In other words, according to the great writer and teacher, we, adults, sinful and spoiled, have nothing to give the new generation. We only envy the baby and hinder him with our frail attempts to influence him, and the child is from birth perfect.
Agree, it sounds bold and scandalous. To be fair, it should be noted that Count Tolstoy was only an expression of ideas that in the second half of the nineteenth century were just in the air, and not only here. Oscar Wilde - a man very far both from Russia and from pedagogy, in the novel “The Portrait of Dorian Gray” was in agreement with Lev Nikolayevich: “There is no good influence. Any influence in itself is immoral ... To influence another person is to give your soul to him. He will start thinking not with his thoughts, burning with his passions ... He will become an echo of someone else's melody, an actor playing a role that is not written for him. ”
On the one hand, these words are confusing, some far from youthful maximalism is felt in them, but on the other hand, if you think carefully, we will see that there is a grain of truth in these sayings! How to deal with all these? In general, it must be admitted that pedagogy is an interweaving of extremes. If you look closely at its history, then even an inexperienced observer will see that it is full of throwings and maximalism, theories that rigidly focus on any one side, on a one-sided approach to the child. I think that this is not accidental, because it is always easier to follow the extremes than to seek a middle ground. And this applies not only to the educational sphere.
However, today, at the beginning of the twenty-first century, we have accumulated enough knowledge and experience to finally define the principles of pedagogy of the golden mean, move away from extremes and maximalism in relations with children and start treating them not as silly creatures, but as our teachers and fellow life on the path.
Quite often during my lectures for parents, I hear the question: “Why do we, in fact, have children? Why should we strain, change our well-established, comfortable life, adjusting to the little tyrant? ”The supporters of the childfree movement (born free from children), which appeared in America in the 70s and gained popularity in the 90s of the 20th century, say: “It only seems to you that you have a child. In fact, it is he who has you. ”
The followers of this idea identify the concepts of “parenthood” and “sacrifice”, they are convinced that by becoming parents, we bring our bright, vigorous life to the altar, and in return we get some problems. Recently, I increasingly hear such arguments. My 28-year-old acquaintance with wonder asked: “What kind of child? When? I have so many plans in my life. A child is a complete degradation. ” It has been difficult for me, who has been engaged in pedagogy for almost 20 years, to understand and accept this position. But it exists, and it is impossible not to reckon with it. But you can argue with her! ☺
I will start with one Sufi parable (Sufis are Eastern wandering sages). It says that a person goes through the stages of a camel, a lion and a child. At the camel stage, he obeys the rules, carries a burden of care and does not resist circumstances. Like a camel crossing the desert, he has a large margin of safety. But when his patience and strength is exhausted, he becomes a lion. Now he is actively resisting circumstances, fighting for justice, reaching certain heights. And then he suddenly realizes that everything is vanity, that what he devotes life to, separates him from the truth, and his life, despite achievements and external sense, is devoid of something important, simple and harmonious. And then the lion becomes a child: he looks at life with open eyes, sees the beautiful in the little things that he has not noticed before, rediscovers the world and his own possibilities for himself.
"The moral of this fable" is that children's world view is the wisest, man comes to him over the years. A teacher, developing a CHILD in himself through communication with children, can reveal his creative abilities, flexibility of thinking, rich emotions, joyful perception of life. In other words, to the thinking and open adult, the children as a whole and each concrete child will help to look wider at the world, at themselves, at their essence and at human nature in general.
Modern psychologists recognize that an adult who is experiencing a shortage of "childish" qualities is prone to depression and illness, he is aging faster. People who, successfully developing the qualities of an adult, retain the qualities of a child, have unlimited possibilities in everything, whatever they do. Therefore, an adult communication with the child is as necessary as a child with an adult. Living with children contributes to the revival of children's qualities in an adult person.
It is interesting that esoterics argue in the same vein. They say that a child is not accidentally born in a certain family. Through the child, the parents work out their life lessons, each parent couple receives the child they deserve. Curious about this, writes Osho, the famous Indian philosopher: “You give birth to a child corresponding to your state of love. If parents are disappointed in their child, they should think about it: they deserve such a child ... The male spermatozoon and the female egg can only create an opportunity for the soul to enter, they create the possibility for the body, for some soul to be embodied in it. But you will only attract the kind of person that your sexual activity makes possible. Parents will respect the child. The child is a guest from the unknown, and you must respect the guest. Parents who do not respect their children will surely ruin their lives. Your gratitude, your love, your respect - "You chose us parents" - will receive in response even deeper respect and love. "
In such an unusual direction for us, the great Indian mystic argues. Interestingly, I heard a peculiar confirmation of his theory from the mouth of a friend. He was surprised to say that when his son was 4 years old, he said: “I chose you. I flew over the ground and saw you with mom on the balcony. You kissed. And I liked you so much that I decided that you would be my parents. ”
Two completely different sources, but one idea. Maybe you should think about it? Each of us decides on his own, to believe or not to believe, to remain a materialist or to switch to esoteric positions. In this case, it is important to completely different, the conclusion of all the above "philosophizing" is this: in the twentieth century there were adults ready for dialogue with childhood, understanding the principles of the pedagogy of the golden mean.
This book is for those who consider themselves as such, and for those who want to join the ranks of the tutors of the golden mean.
On these pages, we will step by step analyze how:
- build a relationship of trust in which the child is ready to discuss his problems with you,
- help the child to realize his uniqueness, to love himself, to believe in himself,
- teach your child to express his emotions, to control negative feelings, such as anger or envy,
- help your child feel comfortable in any team, be able to be part of a group and at the same time maintain their individuality,
- teach the child to make decisions and evaluate the consequences of his decisions,
- help your child become aware of their strengths and accept weaknesses
- teach the child to praise themselves for achieving the goal and to benefit from their mistakes.
I often begin my lectures with two quotations from wonderful twentieth-century writers. Excerpts, perhaps, are long, but I cannot resist the temptation to reproduce them in this book, they are too painful. Here listen:
- ... You are another person who wants to be the same as everyone else. And this, from my point of view, is a dangerous disease.
- Is it dangerous to be different?
- No, it is dangerous to try to be the same as everyone else: it causes neurosis, psychosis, paranoia. It is dangerous to want to be like everyone else, because it means raping nature, going against the laws of God, who did not even create two identical leaves in all the forests and groves of the world.
Paulo Coelho. "Veronica decides to die"
... I, probably, would help them (children) to get rid of everything that their parents inspired, even if the parents managed to convince them only that ELEPHANT is BIG, I would make them forget it. After all, an elephant is big just next to someone - for example, with a dog or with a woman ... Let them approach the elephant, knowing about it no more than the elephant knows about them. The same with grass and everything else. I would not even say that the grass is green. Color is just a name. To tell them that the grass is green is to prepare them for the fact that it is by all means the way you see it, and no other. But after all THEIR grass can be no worse than yours, maybe much better.
Jerome D. Salinger. "Teddy"
Amazingly wise words, isn't it? In my opinion, they contain a brilliant answer to the main question of pedagogy. What is the purpose of our education? What do we want to convey to our children? Using the images of Salinger and Coelho, we can say: An adult needs to help a child discover his uniqueness, create his biography, live his own life, realize his own desires and adventures, “see his grass and his elephant”.
Sounds nice, doesn't it? But how to implement it in practice? What exactly can we do to make our children feel unique and inimitable? How to help them be happy and successful? To the answers to these questions I dedicate my book to caring educators.
In the book I will constantly use such a thing as i-concept. Therefore, it makes sense to dwell on it and, in a nutshell, determine what others write about their dissertations. ☺
So what do scientists say? Renowned psychologist Robert Burns argues that the I-concept defines not just what a person is, but also what he thinks of himself, how he looks at his active beginning and development possibilities in the future. An important role in the formation of self-esteem is played by comparing the image of the real “I” with the image of the ideal “I”, that is, with an idea of what a person would like to be. The high degree of coincidence of the real “I” with the ideal is considered an important indicator of mental health.
Now, from the standpoint of this theory, let's look closely at the daily life of our child. We will immediately find out that it is filled, and often overflowing with educational activities, which constitute an unbroken chain of situations of risk: writing a report, reciting poetry, answering at the blackboard, etc. In all these situations, the child risks being offended, criticized, disapproved , failure and even being punished.
In other words, each time our ward puts at risk his own self-esteem, which, on the one hand, is in school at constant sight, on the other hand, it is so necessary for him to successfully complete all the same school tasks. Modern scholars argue that the child’s cognitive abilities are directly dependent on his level of self-esteem. For example, take the research psychologists Wattenberg and Clifford (Wattenberg & Clifford). They showed that the I-concept of kindergarten kids affects reading success more than IQ. In other words, children with low self-esteem read worse than children with high self-esteem.
What follows from all this? The task is determined simply (more difficult with its implementation ☺): it is necessary to create conditions for the formation of a high self-esteem of the child.
What do you need to do for this? Stanley Coopersmith (S. Coopersmith), a child psychologist from the University of California, tried to identify the conditions in the family that contribute to the development of high child self-esteem. A group of his assistants studied the way of life of 1,700 families in which children showed this “desirable high level”. After analyzing a set of indicators, the scientists came to the conclusion that in the studied families, communication with the child includes three major components.
1. Love, which expresses respect, care and acceptance. In such a family, the child knows that he is loved all, with all his strengths and weaknesses. Here, the words of our remarkable teacher V. A. Sukhomlinsky come to mind: "It is easy to love an abstract child, and you try to love a particular child with all its flaws."
2. Sense of security. It is noteworthy (and for many it may seem completely unexpected) that parents of children with high self-esteem do not preach permissiveness. On the contrary, in these families there are clearly defined restrictions, standards, expectations, as a result of which children feel more secure.
3. Democracy. Parents encourage the child to express their point of view, even if it differs from their own.
In other words, in an environment that enhances self-esteem:
- children feel warmth and love,
- feel safe, allowing them to explore new things, not getting hung up on their mistakes,
- they are respected as individuals
- they are encouraged to have their own opinion,
- children know that in the outside world there are clear frameworks and limitations
- they have a high chance of success,
- feel that they are accepted without reservation.
Based on the results of this and other studies, scientists have identified the main components of the child's I-concept. After reviewing and analyzing them, you can correct your relationship with the child, you will notice that it has become much easier to help the child to be himself, to give him the opportunity to see "his grass and his elephant" (I think you understand well that these tasks are much more difficult than just teaching a child to read and write, although nobody cancels this either).
So, what are the main blocks of the i-concept? There are only five of them:
- a sense of security (in our book, I call it and a sense of security),
- sense of individuality (I am who I am),
- sense of competence (me and my success)
- ability to goal setting (me and my goals)
- ability to effectively interact with others (me and others).
It was not easy to isolate these "bricks", but it is even more difficult to identify those steps that will help to maximize these qualities in a child. Scientists have done this, and this is what happened (based on the Stanley Coopersmith table, modified and updated by me).
1. I and a sense of security
“Only a child who feels safe,“ dares ”to develop in a healthy direction. His need for security must be met. ” So categorically stated one of the greatest psychologists of the twentieth century, Abraham Maslow. The great expert in human souls relates the sense of security to basic needs. This is clearly seen from its famous pyramid.
- The need for self-expression
- The need for respect and recognition
- The need for belonging to a social group, involvement, support
- The need for security and protection
- Physiological needs
Meeting the child’s need for security is the main thing that any teacher who draws a positive educational environment should pay attention to. How to do this? All-knowing psychologists identify three main steps, which include:
1) building trusting relationships
2) the establishment of reasonable restrictions and rules
3) creating a positive environment.
1. We are humans, not gods! How to build a relationship of trust with the child
In pedagogy about trusting relationships, it doesn’t say only lazy. All teachings, both past and present, call upon educators to build the notorious trust relationship. But what is behind this cherished phrase?
We know well that trust cannot be gained in one sitting, it is not subject to reason. Trust is either there or not. It is very important for a child to feel on a subconscious level that he can trust his adult. Let's try to understand a little, on the basis of what trust appears, what your behavior should be in order for this trust relationship to arise.
First of all, here it is necessary to talk about the ACCEPTANCE of the CHILD.
True acceptance is when the child is fully accepted - both his strengths and his weaknesses. A child on a subconscious level, “with all the fibers of his soul” must feel: “They love me not for what I should be, but for what I am.” When my daughter was little, we had a game with her that she loved very much. When expressing my dissatisfaction with some of her actions, she necessarily added “but”, and I had to continue the offer with something good. The dialogue looked like this:
Me: What a nasty you were when it did!
Description of the book "Your Child"
The description and summary of "Your Child" is read free online.
William Serz and Martha Serz YOUR CHILD
Everything you need to know about your child from birth to two years
MOSCOW, KORONPRESS KORONA, 1994
OCR PalekAligator, 1998
Dr. Bill and Martha to their readers.
We not only wrote this book - we lived it. In the book “Your Child,” we share our own experiences - we raised eight of our children and over 20 years of work in pediatrics thousands of others went through our hands. Having got used to noticing the behavior of children and parents, we were able to imagine in advance what would work for most parents in one way or another. Every day in our office, we collected by grain the successful discoveries of parents, “little tricks” to help in practice. They all found their place in this book. We understand that the love of a child and the desire to become good parents makes you listen to any advice on raising children. But children are too valuable material, and parents are too trusting that the author can afford to offer insufficiently studied techniques. We understand how great our responsibility is. Each recommendation was carefully verified and passed the test of time.
We also take into account the active lifestyle of modern parents. We ourselves have managed to find opportunities to combine parenthood with professional activities. With this book, we strive to help you become empathetic educators who meet the desires of your child and at the same time keep him accustomed to life. Мы рекомендуем постоянное физическое общение с малышом, смягчающее механистичное существования в окружении машин, свойственную нашему времени. Прочитав книгу, вы узнаете, как, воспитывая своего малыша, раскрыть все лучшее, что в нем заложено, и проявить все лучшее, что есть в вас самих.
Уильям и Марта Серз
Сан-Клементе, Калифорния, январь 1993 г
НАЧНЕМ С САМОГО НАЧАЛА: ОСНОВЫ ДОМАШНЕГО ВОСПИТАНИЯ
There is not and cannot be a single recipe for raising a child, just as there are no ideal children, and, believe me, there are no ideal parents - there are only people who have studied the behavior of children well and have become more experienced than you. Being parents means learning all the time to be them. Do not listen too much to the advice of “experts” - this prevents parental intuition from developing, the ability to self-learn as your children grow. We are going to show you how to become experts yourself. The purpose of this book is to help you and your child find each other. This small introduction contains the quintessence of what “home education” is.
So, we start to learn!
NON-EXPLOSIVE COMMUNICATION: WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
In all other books on the care and education of children, there is a lack of a chapter, which should be called “Raising Your Child”. Now together with you, the newlyweds or young parents expecting a child, we will try to fill this gap.
My experience as a pediatrician, the experience of my wife Martha as a nurse and our common experience of parents raising eight children led us to believe that the best mutual understanding between the child and the parents is established with this method of education, which we called the “style of convergence”, because he contributes to the emergence between you close, inseparable ties. This method helps to realize all the best that is in the parents and their children. The inseparable connection of the mother with the child noticed a long time ago. - Our approach to education is not something completely new. We only gave the name to this method, which is basically based on common sense, which we would all listen to if we relied on our instincts.
EDUCATION OF YOUR CHILD
Twenty years ago, by the time I started practicing as a pediatrician, I had already worked in two children's hospitals, one of the best in the world, and thought I knew everything about children. Our friends often told my wife that she was very lucky - after all, her husband was a pediatrician, to which Martha replied: "He knows only how to treat children."
In the first week of practice, I was just stunned. Mothers asked me completely non-medical questions: “Can we let the child cry?”, “Will we spoil the girl if we take her hands all the time?”, “Can we sleep with the child?” I did not know the answers to all these questions, and parents thought they could rely on my advice. These were questions of a non-medical nature, they related to the methods of education. I knew how we act in such cases with our own two children, but I was not sure that I could consider myself an expert in raising children. - Therefore, I read a lot of books about education (just like you are doing now). Books were discouraged. It seemed that the authors were based on their own views, and not on serious research. - Most of them lacked common sense, and many did not have their own opinions and preached only what was fashionable at the time of writing the book, regardless of the results that these theories led to.
I decided to turn to real connoisseurs - experienced parents, who succeeded in everything, who had complete mutual understanding with children, who intuitively acted in the only correct way, parents who enjoyed communicating with children, the development of which, apparently, was successful. These parents and their children became my teachers. I became a diligent listener and attentive observer and began to regularly keep records of the methods used by my parents. I made a list of everything that "works." In those years, Martha worked with me (until the birth of our fourth child, Hayden). She is now working with budding parents as a breastfeeding specialist and consultant on early childhood education. My practice gave us material for research, and at home we had our own growing “laboratory.” After 9 years we listened to parents and learned from them (and raised three children of our own), we began to draw some conclusions. Of the many methods of education and training, we chose the ones that most often worked for the majority of parents. We shared our experiences with those who came to us at the reception, and used the experience of other moms and dads in raising their own children. Over the years, Martha and I have changed attitudes, adapted to the changing course of our lives, to the individualities of our children, and at the same time continued to learn ourselves. In this chapter, we concentrated on everything that 20 years of work in pediatrics gave us, raising eight children and drawing on the experience of thousands of parents.
Do not think that you can learn everything at once. Being a parent is a profession that is learned step by step. It requires experience. Our recommendations are just starting points. Using them, you gain experience and develop your own style of communication, which corresponds to the personal characteristics of your child and your personality. It is impossible beforehand, even without having a child, to choose a line of behavior - having come into the world, he can completely change your ideas about education. Suppose you have thought out in advance what will be the mode of the child. And what will you do if the baby makes it a rule to wake up at 3 am and demand milk? Yes, and the duration of breastfeeding can be set only by experiment. Therefore, postpone such decisions for the future when you see what your baby is like. But there are things that you need to decide for yourself in advance.
Before we dive into learning the art of being good parents, let's agree on something. Some of our ideas that we will share with you may seem strange to you and drastically different from the usual recommendations. Please do not reject them immediately.
Take the first steps towards success in the role of parents without the burden of prejudice; this will help avoid many disappointments. You expect it to be easy with a child, but your baby may be difficult. Stay open to new ideas and choose what suits your family more. Believe me, everything that we will talk about has passed the test and is based not only on our experience. Some of the recommendations we took from the work of trustworthy colleagues and other researchers. We introduce you to the latest achievements in the art of education, to help get the right start at the beginning of a long parental journey.
FIVE RULES FOR BEHAVIOR STRENGTHENING THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHILD
We believe that novice parents should set three goals
- get to know your child
- help him feel good
- enjoy their role as parents
Our proposed parental behavior model will help you achieve these goals. The following are five components of the style of convergence - the concept of creating inextricable links